jueves, diciembre 21, 2006

Tenía que pasar.


Tal y como apunté en la entrada del 22 de octubre, titulada Santa Claus & Reyes Magos, todos los edificios de Mataró están siendo asaltados por los Santa Claus trepadores, este año en masa y con más insistencia que los anteriores, a juzgar por la exagerada proliferación de muñecos despatarrados que cuelgan por doquier. Los responsables del dislate, para hacer la gracia completa, podrían poner en las manos del gordito bermellón una hamburguesa y de esa manera reproducirían la tradición anglosajona con absoluta fidelidad. Propongo la creación inmediata, con carácter de urgencia, de una patrulla nocturna dedicada exclusivamente al descuelgue, apaleo y quema en plaza pública de todos los Santa Claus que se balanceen en los balcones de la ciudad. Sugiero, asimismo, que a los padres que hayan colaborado en la feliz idea de implantar esa tradición ridícula se les cuelgue del cuello un cartel que deberán llevar encima durante el tiempo que se prolonguen las fiestas navideñas, en el que rece: Mi culpa es carecer de imaginación, o cualquier otra frase similar que ponga de manifiesto la falta de iniciativa para llevar a cabo nada que no haya hecho antes el rebaño . Proponed vosotros, en los comentarios, la frase que creáis más apropiada.

84 comentarios:

Anónimo dijo...

y que me dices de la iluminación? parece que en navidades todos quieren hacer de su casa la de Maria Magdalena.


yolanda

Arcadio dijo...

Si, mi calle parece una copia barata de Broodway. Es como si los lupanares de Tordera se hubieran instalado temporalmente en Mataró.

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Tiet...me parece perfecta la idea de pasar la noche descolgando "Santaclauses"...pero debo recomendarte que te tomes un par de pastillitas para el vértigo esta tarde...porque por muchas vueltas que le doy a la cabeza no te acabo de imaginar subiéndote con una escalerita a todos los balcones de Mataró!...Y si tenemos que descolgarlos yo y mi gran altura...vamos apañaos!

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Sobrina, yo soy quien ha concebido la idea, otros la han de aplicar, mientras yo, por supuesto, observó que lo hacen todo correctamente.

Anónimo dijo...

Seguiré viviendo en Tordera II pero yo paso de descolgar malditos papanoeles, hace mucho frío. Sirve si les disparo con una escopeta de balines???

Pilar

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Ahí, Pilar. Yo voto por lo de los disparos, mucho más festivo...No empeceis sin mi, por favor...

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Arcadio dijo...

Veo que no se puede contar con vosotras para ningún trabajo. De acuerdo que entraña algo de reisgo, ¿pero que me decís de las satisfaciones que proporciona?
Os estáis olvidando de proponer la frase que los padres deben llevar colgada del cuello, ¿no hay propuestas?

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mi propuestas es: "soy padre,y al nacer mi hijo me hicieron una lobotomía"

Pilar

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que desprestigio del color rojo...si nuestro abuelo levantara la cabeza...aunque se asustaría más con los zaplanas y los acebes del mundo...

manoli

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Propongo la frase: ¨el que cuelga del balcón no es papá noel, es mi abuelo haciendo flexiones¨

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Yo voto por el plan "y tiro porque me da la gana", es cómodo, a ras de suelo y más divertido que encaramarse a balcones ajenos, sobre todo porque me parece que nadie de los habituales del blog estamos ya "pa estos trotes". En cuanto a la frase propongo: "Culo veo, culo quiero". ...asko me da la chunga navidad...Saludos

Berlin

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Ah! Se me acaba de ocurrir que nuestro presunto padre maníaco podría lucir en la cabeza un bonito zurullo de caramelo metido en un orinal, los venden en las ferias y no entiendo qué relación se les atribuye con la navidad, que esa es otra.

Berlin

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Por dios Gemma, qué ignorante, como se nota que no has estudiado Teología como yo. El origen del orinal con el zurullo viene de cuando los Reyes Magos de Oriente aguardaban frente al portal a que eljodío niño les recibiera. Al parecer a Gaspar le sobrevino un apretón intestinal justo en el momento de entrar a verlo, y el muy burro, en lugar de emplear las artes mágicas de las que tanto conocimiento tenía, no se le ocurrió otra cosa que vaciar el incienso que había en el recipiente que sostenía en las manos y colocárselo bajo la sotana para aliviar el apretón. Al pobre rey, una vez aliviado, no le dio tiempo a vaciar sus ebacuaciones, andaba como un loco, nervioso, sin encontrar un sitio donde vaciar el recipiente antes de que el mocoso lo recibieran en audiencia, hasta que se dio de bruces con el niñito jesus, que en esos momentos, qué rico él, estaba expulsando un pequeño e insonoro pedito real, a lo que Gaspar, aprevechando la tesitura, le ofreció, repleto de Real Excremento, el recipiente a la vez que decía: "PA MIERDA LA MÍA"

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Por dios Gemma, qué ignorante, como se nota que no has estudiado Teología como yo. El origen del orinal con el zurullo viene de cuando los Reyes Magos de Oriente aguardaban frente al portal a que eljodío niño les recibiera. Al parecer a Gaspar le sobrevino un apretón intestinal justo en el momento de entrar a verlo, y el muy burro, en lugar de emplear las artes mágicas de las que tanto conocimiento tenía, no se le ocurrió otra cosa que vaciar el incienso que había en el recipiente que sostenía en las manos y colocárselo bajo la sotana para aliviar el apretón. Al pobre rey, una vez aliviado, no le dio tiempo a vaciar sus ebacuaciones, andaba como un loco, nervioso, sin encontrar un sitio donde vaciar el recipiente antes de que el mocoso lo recibieran en audiencia, hasta que se dio de bruces con el niñito jesus, que en esos momentos, qué rico él, estaba expulsando un pequeño e insonoro pedito real, a lo que Gaspar, aprevechando la tesitura, le ofreció, repleto de Real Excremento, el recipiente a la vez que decía: "PA MIERDA LA MÍA"

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este blog tiene eco...

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Es que Arcadio tiene procesador CoreDuo.

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Eso suena grave...¿Hay antibióticos que lo curen??

Anónimo dijo...

Bueno esto se está poniendo escatologico, y no me gusta.
Si para algunos la Navidad es una mierda, pero no hace falta imaginarla literalmente.

Carri B.

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Madre mía, como tenemos el patio... justo ahora que llegan unos días de amor y de paz aquí se habla de todo lo contrario.. y enima se propone una caza de brujas contra unos linos papanoeles que lucen divertidos en los balcones....
Y digo yo, porque no hay mamanoelas? o como se devieran llamar, jajaja...
Y puestos a elegir.... yo eligiria descolgarlos todos, montar una parada junto a los hippis y sacarnos unos euros para comprarnos algun capricho... como un iMac o alguna tontería parecida.... jajajaja

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berlinontheclouds dijo...

Pos mira a mi la navidad no me mola, lo paso fatal, me entra una pena que pa qué. Tradiciones fuck.

Berlin

YOLANDA SAID dijo...

no hay mamanoelas porque cuando las colgaran de los balcones se le verian las bragas. perdonad los acentos estamos en londres pasando las navidades y ya sabeis la historia de los teclados AH!!! por cierto no hay ni un papanoel en los balcones, pero literal vaya, ni UNO!!!!!!

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